If it's you...

What do you do when the one thing that you finally believed in, turns into a faded memory? All along i used to think that if i waited long enough, he would feel it. But did he? Now it's like everything has blended into a terrible blur that i can't see where i'm going, and i don't know what i'm doing. It wasn't supposed to feel this horrible. How did something so sweet turn into the horrible mess it is now?

I'm not someone who gives up easily and once i set my heart on something or someone, i don't waver easily. But it's a pity because unfortunately, i didn't matter enough. I couldn't keep the heart. His heart.

Whatever it is, i will survive. I'm not devasted or dramatically out of love but it kinda sucks that i'm not someone who is good enough to keep hearts. Perhaps one day, i'll find someone who is willing to give me just as much as i can give him. And i'll keep waiting however long it may take to finally find that someone. Because if there's anything that i have learned from HIMYM, it's that if someone is worth the wait, no amount of time is too long. And yes, he might break my heart along the way but he'll also be the one who will mend it for me.

I know it doesn't stop here. I know that no matter how many times i fall, and get my heart broken, there is someone out there who will come along & make everything better.

xoxo, W
wherever you are.
whoever you are.
i'm waiting for you.

Evening Sky

Love this song for various reasons :)

xoxo, W 

I wonder

Sometimes i wonder what is the next thing life is going to throw at me. And i can't help but wonder if i'll survive it. I keep wondering what things would be if i didn't make the choices i've made. Where would i be now, and which direction would i be heading to eventually? And i don't know if i'm living my life the way i'm supposed to be. Right now everything seems like a blur. It's like i'm just going through the motion of life, doing things for the sake of it, living life day by day. What am i doing, really?

Tonight...? Tonight i feel like a complete lump of demoralized crap. Because why? Because i'm someone who is too affected by my feelings and because i'm someone who lets my heart get the better of me. And it's annoying because they say "follow your heart" but i did and where am i now? I thought i made the right choice, i thought i could do anything as long as my heart was happy. I just never thought something so right can go so wrong. And the worst part of it all is that there is nothing i can do to change this. I made the choice, the decision was made, and now i can't change it. I can't rewind time. Although now i really wish i could because everything's a mess and i don't know if i can get out of this feeling the way i was before. Sigh... This sucks.

I just wanna curl up in bed until i feel better. Baaaaahhhhhhhhh. Sometimes i wish life would throw all the punches at me in one go, so that i don't have to keep feeling horrible.

xoxo, W

Gotta keep moving

Cuz they say everything happens for a reason. People come and go, and that's part and parcel of life. I suppose so. I just feel like i've been at this for so long and all of a sudden it feels like i'm right where i started. It's like i fought a huge battle to end up at nothing. But well at least i've seen things, and i've got to understand people better. Some true colours that i finally saw. It hurts, of course it does, but that's just how it's supposed to be. You gain some you lose some. For now it feels like i've lost someone close to me but it's prolly for the better.

And it's true when they say "If someone really loves you, they'll do anything to be with you. They won't be afraid to show you, to tell you, or to prove to you that they love you. And nothing will stand in the way."

I know i'm to blame too. Cuz i've been out of this whole "falling for someone" process ever since a bad breakup a few years ago, i kinda forgot how to love someone. I forgot how it felt like to have someone there for me and how it felt like to bear your heart out to someone. I couldn't risk giving someone my heart cuz i'm too afraid that it'll get all wounded and broken all over again, so i kept guarding my heart. I kept playing it cool cuz i wasn't sure if it was mutual, and i wasn't sure if it was true. Cuz everything was hidden and there were no heartfelt words. But i gave everything a long though, and i did, in the end. I let my guard down, thinking that hey maybe this could work. But look where i ended up? Struggling.

Torn between moving on and fighting on. Trust me, as much as i would love to fight, i think i can't. Cuz you can't fight for something that isn't there. And i guess it's time for me to take a step back and let things be. But whatever it is, as long as everyone's happy, why not. I'll find my right one soon. I'm sure he'll come along. Maybe not now, but he will :)

Until then, i hope everyone's feeling good. Or at least, not sad. Hahas.

xoxo, W

The other side

If you could see what goes on beneath the smiles & the facade. If you knew how much it hurts, if you could take a walk in my shoes for a bit, you'd realize how much this means to me.

But i can't let you know, and i can't let you see this vulnerable side of me cuz i don't know where your heart is. It used to be so clear. And i was finally dropping all my guards. But just when i finally let you in completely, you went away for abit.

It felt like i was sucked into a whirlpool. All crazed & bruised.

If our time comes back, it's probably meant to be. If it doesn't, then well, at least we've tried. And i'll always be thankful for that few months we had. It was nice to know that someone cared & was there for me. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Life will work out :)

xoxo, W

Changes

Best thing that happened ♥
Love them all to bits and pieces.

And because nothing lasts forever, we have to embrace the moments as they come. They're my happy pills, and the reason why i always look forward to work. 

But everything's about to change... :( 

xoxo, W 

Heart song, heartstrings.

Awesome song. I love her vocals. 

xoxo, W 

Life's little pleasures

I'm a sucker for sweet actions. Somehow a part of me just feels like i'm undeserving of people being nice to me so when someone does something sweet for me, i get reaaaaallllyyyy touched. Even the littlest things they do. And that's when i'm always thankful for having wonderful people in my life :) 

Tonight was one of those nights. Fir treated me to dinner cuz i got my driving licence :) I know it sounds like nothing but hey, it's nice that he wants to celebrate for me! First time at Strictly pancakes and it was great. The food's awesome but the portion is too huge for me, hahaha! 

So... I know i've tried. And that's good enough for me.  

xoxo, W 

Doors

Nowadays it feels like all the songs i come across are all somehow apt for me. I think it's a sign, hahaha. Here's one.

Knockin'

Right now it feels like i'm knocking on a door with no answer and i'm still waiting. It got me thinking. How long can i keep up with this? Even if i can hold on, how long do i have to hold? I know, i think a lot. More than i should, but i can't help it. If i don't have answers, i'll keep coming up with more questions in my head and i'll link from one question to another. It's crazily exhausting. 

But it's scary how a person can wake up one morning and just decide to drop everything behind. Are hearts really that fickle? Or are we just afraid? It's normal to think about what's gonna happen and all the 'what ifs' that comes together with all the thoughts. But think about it. All this time we're wasting trying to think of the "what ifs" and dwell too much into the future... We're just letting the present slip away. All the things that we were too busy thinking about, could have actually happened. All the 'what ifs' could have been our 'what we have now'. But no, we choose to think, and imagine, and think somemore. 

If only we could be fearless. If we had the courage to express our feelings, live in the moment, follow our hearts and make decisions. We could've turned our thoughts into reallity. We could've been happy. And even if it fails, well at least we were once happy. I know it's always easier said than done, but honestly, we only live once. And i believe that as long as you're following your heart, chances are, you'll always be happy. Cuz it's what you really want.

Heart over mind. 

I'm really trying... But everyone has limits and with time, if we find ourselves waiting for something that is not gonna come back.. eventually we'll leave. It's the only way out. We wouldn't wait for ships at the airport do we? Same logic applies. We can only keep waiting if we know what we're waiting for. 

I'm just afraid that one day i might just walk away. Cuz honestly right now i don't know what i'm waiting for, and as much as i want to keep waiting, i can't. Unless i know.  

xoxo, W 

tell me...

Words

So i realized this space is for me to empty all my emotions just so i can to bed feeling a little better. I guess it's still useful afterall, hahaa :)

Tmrw's my TP test & i'm freaking out. What if i make too many mistakes & i fail? What if i disappoint my parents? And honestly i'm too distracted by my own emotions that i can barely focus on anything. I hate that i'm weak.

Y'know... I've always thought that sincerity & patience could move someone. I believed that if you waited long enough, they would sense it. And that it could break the walls that they have built around their heart.

Maybe i can't. I'm not strong enough for this. I can't keep fighting if there's nothing left to fight for. And i can't keep chasing if someone doesn't care & doesn't want me to. It takes 2 hands to clap. So i guess i have to walk away... Not because i want to. But i really don't know what else i can do to save this :(

I'm upset. I'm hurt. But i can't show it cuz i'm not supposed to be hurt. I can't lose something i never had. And i know this wasn't even mine to begin with. It's just that, i miss my friend. And i can't believe all this is happening out of the blue.

And i'm mad at myself. For giving people reasons to leave. I guess it's me. I'm not good at keeping the people i care about close to me. Cuz i'm not the type of person who expresses my feelings easily. I need to know that you feel the same before i can give you my all. And i know that once i bare my heart out to you, i won't just walk away when things get rough. Cuz in order for me to let you in, it means that you're someone close to me, someone i trust that will not break my heart. And i really hope you won't. But ohwell..

I really hope this storm blows over soon. I want my rainbow.

Wokayz, that was long. I should really crash. Please let me pass tmrw! Pretty pretty please, with a cherry on top! :)

xoxo, W

History

It kills me to know that my past is catching up with me. My life now is like a reflection of the past. And every night i pray that it's just another nightmare that will blow over soon. But is it? I don't even know ;( All i know is that it hurts a lot, and my heart is so torn up inside that it makes me wince in pain sometimes. It makes it hard to breathe.

But i know i have to keep going. And i will have to keep smiling cuz eventually it will stop hurting & i will be fine again.

Right now i don't wanna assume anything. I don't wanna think that anything has changed but it's a fact. Something did change. And it doesn't feel good at all... I wish there was something i could do to make everything better but i've tried. And i think i've failed.

Sigh. I miss you.

xoxo, W

In the name of Love

I love this song so much, i can put it on replay the whole day and not get sick of it. Can't wait for them to release the dance version :) 

Yesterday's comeback stage :')

The korean version already pricks me enough, yet i went on to shoot myself in the foot by listening to the english version. Can cry already, really. Tugging on my heartstrings. But but but but, loving the song nonetheless. 

Why is it so hard? 

xoxo, W 

Show me.

The past has taught me so many lessons & left me so many scars that i've become really wary. I'm afraid that if the past repeats itself then i'm never gonna get out of the depression cycle.

It took me 3 years to walk out of the whole depressed and sad life and finally take a step into the happy world where i finally let people in. And i did, i let someone in. For that, i'm glad.

3 years ago... I gave my heart to a boy whom i thought was really gonna honor it. I thought that after puppy loves in the past, this was gonna be the one relationship that sees me through life. I gave everything i could and i tried to do whatever i can to make him happy. I put him before myself. All ever wanted was to spend time & just be with him. And i've never needed anything exquisite nor expensive. Ever.

I was happy. Thought that life was finally giving me someone worth the wait. But in a short 3 months, everything went from skyhigh to the pits of hell. It really felt like my world came crashing on me. And the worst thing? I never saw it coming. And i never got to know why he walked out on me. Up until today, i never got an explaination. All i can say was that he left. Just like that, and he took a huge part of me along with him. The faith that i used to have in love. At that point, i locked my heart away, i started building walls around it so that i could keep it safe. And it wasn't until recently that i decided to give love one more try. I'm glad i did.

But i'm still afraid. What if i gave my all & i end up in the same state that i was 3 years ago? I don't wanna assume. I wanna know what i'm doing, and what i'm stepping into. Only then can i give my 101%. Cuz i know that once i love someone, i'll let him become my world. And sometimes this scares me.

Then again, without the past, i wouldn't be where i am today. I'm in a much much much happier place now, and i'm extremely thankful.

I mean it when i say that i want my next to be my last. And i really hope it'll last. Honestly i don't know where i got all this faith from but a part of me feels that this time, it's right. Is it?

Oh and, i'm perfectly fine. I'm totally over my past & whatever the reason is, i don't need to know anymore :) I'm happy where i am now.

xoxo, W

Like a song in my head

Recently, two songs are tugging on my heartstrings. I don't know why but it makes me think.

Songs with amazing lyrics are the best. It makes you love the song in a way that other songs can't compare :) So anyway, TP's just around the corner and i'm freaking out. I don't feel ready but i really hope i pass. Please please please. 

"And when i close my eyes, i pray we'll see it through." 

Yup, i hope everything goes well from this point on :) Give me something to fight for. 

xoxo, W 

Battle

Tearfest. I can't even begin. I can't put my feelings into words. So the only way for me to feel better is to cry. And that pretty much sums up my past few nights. 

I don't know what hurts more. Not knowing what to do and keep trying to find my way? Or to drop everything and keep walking forward? The more i wonder, the more questions i end up with. It's funny, i know. 

I came here with a lot of thoughts i wanted to pour out, but now that i'm here, i stop. Again. Whatever i'm feeling now, is so extremely excruciating that it makes it so hard to breathe. I just wanna curl up under the covers and sleep it away. I thought i was strong. But... maybe not. 

I need a hug :( 

But then again, i know i'll wake up tmrw morning feeling a little stronger than i am now, and i'll wear that same smile on my face again. It's amazing what a smile can do. It covers a world of pain and no one will ever guess. So yes, i'll keep smiling :) 

Cuz what will be, will be. 

xoxo, W

Suffocation

So, i end up here again. Whenever i feel like i'm suffocating from all the emotions in me, and that there's no other way i can let them out, i find myself returning to this space. I guess it's good, in a way. At least there's somewhere i can rant.

I have so much in me. So much to say but i can't. With all the restrictions and whatnots.. It's killing me. It feels like all these thoughts, these emotions, are tearing me up on the inside.

And whenever i wanna let it all out to someone, i stop. Cause i don't wanna end up being annoying.

I am happy. No doubt i am. With all the amazing people in my life, there's nothing else i could ever ask for. But sometimes i have annoying thoughts that make me doubt what i have. Will i eventually lose everyone i love?

I need to know where i'm heading. If i'm gonna keep fighting, i need to know what i'm fighting for. I don't wanna fight a losing battle but not know anything until it's over.

I've spent sleepless nights trying to figure everything out, but i end up right back where i started. Bummer.

Help.

xoxo, W

The past and the present

As i look back at the past, and then compare to what i have now and where i am now, i feel like this is where i'm supposed to be. I finally see what people meant by "out with the old and in with the new" or something like "something better will come" and i think it did. Or at least i hope i'm right this time. Cause what i have now, or think i have, is magical. I met a group of amazing individuals and i'm so thankful for each and every single one of them. It's times like this that makes me think... The past me wouldn't have imagined that i'll meet these people. That's why i was so bitter and so upset when i lost the people closest to me then. But now when i look back? I guess the past ended for a reason. To make space for something new. For this. And i'm happy again :) 

No doubt that i miss what i had in the past, but it's awesome memories that i'd take with me anyway. Right now, i'm living for the present, and the future. It doesn't have to be perfect, and i know it's not perfect and it might not be easy, but i'm ready to take the leap anyway. Cause this feels right, and i'm ready to take another step forward. 

I've been wary for too long. Been afraid for longer than i should. And all those fear and doubt closed me away from the happy world. The brighter side of things. Now that i've grown, and i've tore down the walls that i've built, i see things differently now. No doubt that i'm still cautious, but i know that if i don't try, i'll never know. Then again, if i survived the brutal heartache of the past, and if let's say history decides to repeat itself, at least i know i'm strong enough to handle it. Right? I know how painful it can get, but i've also learned that love itself can heal wounds that i never thought were possible to heal. 

The past is just... Stepping stones i guess? And now i'm actually glad that everything in the past ended the way it did. Cause if not, i wouldn't have found what i have today. I wouldn't have made such amazing friends and i wouldn't have felt what i'm feeling now. I love what i have now. And this time, i really hope it wouldn't end. 

I want the next to be the last. I leave it all to fate. Cause something in me tells me that this is right. I hope i'm right this time. 

xoxo, W 

Back again

I should really revive this space. Back to reading blogs all over again, and i always have to refrain myself from reading my own archives cuz i know i'll be shooting myself in the foot. But now i think i can read it without a single tinge of sadness. We'll see.

So anyway, best part of august? I dip-dyed my hair purple-red! ^^v

xoxo, W

Workaholic

Life has been treating me well so far! And i'm glad. Got all the awesome people around me and i love all of them to bits and pieces. Wouldn't be where i am today without them.

xoxo, W

On tiptoes

I guess this is the only place i can pour my feelings out without getting judged and without others seeing me as a sad, emotional, upset teenager. But i feel like i am, sometimes. I'm just trying to find myself and in the midst of all these, i get lost. So lost that i forget who am i, and what i'm looking for. If i'm trying to find myself then why is it that each time i try, i get further away from my destination? I lose myself a bit more with each passing day. And i wonder why.

Then i look back at the life i've lived, and i start to think about what i have accomplished and what i have done. And this is when reality slaps me hard in the face. Nothing. I've been nothing special my entire life and i prolly will never be. But all these while i've been thinking that i've done a fairly good job at making my parents proud of me. Not in a "oh my daughter's a genius with all A1s" kind of proud, but at least i know i've not disappointed them in any major way. But why is it that now, 20 years into my life, i feel like i've done nothing worthy? Like i've just walked the path that was pathed out infront of me. And now my parents just want to make things a whole lot more difficult for me by coming up with redundant rules for me to follow. MORE RULES. What's new? 


But y'know what's crazy? That i'll still love my parents even after all these shit they throw at me. And that i can never muster enough guts to go against them. So.Very.Weak.I.Am. I have invisible chains on me, and i can feel it. 


Last night i felt like a sad piece of flesh. But i didn't wanna bother anyone cuz it feels like this is my battle to fight. And i know that no one wants to hear about how annoying my parents are because everyone has their problems too.

But it's okay, i'll live. As always.

xoxo, W
Thankful for the girls who were always there no matter how messed up i am.
You know who you are <3

Reality check

I just wish i could live my life the way i really want to. Not based on how others want me to. I wanna be happy. I wanna be able to tell my kids or grandkids in the future about the life i've lived. I know this sounds silly but i'm serious. Just like how my parents or my grandma would tell me stories about their childhood & i'll always be so amazed.

That aside, I feel like a puppet. Like i'm doing things to make people happy but i'm dying inside yet there's really nothing i can do. I'm 20, but my dad still wants to control the time i sleep.

No matter how hard i try to talk him out of it, or how hard i cry. I don't think it's gonna change. What else am i supposed to do?

Sometimes i get so sick of everything bad that's going on, i'll just cry my fill & sleep it off hoping that it'll blow over tomorrow. But half the time it never happens.

Idk where i found the strength previously, but i'll find it again. I'm just mad at how my world keeps crashing down on me when i least expect it. Next time just give me a sign.

And with all these happening, i just wanna run to someone for a hug. Just to feel better knowing that someone is there.

Ahhhhhhhhhwell. This is life. And reality likes to slap you in the face when you're offguard. I'll live.

xoxo, W

Graduation

I've finally graduated from NP. The day i've been looking forward to since the first day of school. I know, you're probably wondering why 1st day of school... but yup. I only really loved my friends :)

So today saw me in Graduation robe finally receiving my Diploma. It felt nice. Like i know that i've completed another stage of my life and it's time to move on to the next phase in life. And i'm scared... But i'll deal with it like how i've done so for the past few phases of my life. Hah.

In all honesty, when i first started off as a freshman in Poly, i thought i'd have someone who would be there with me throughout this 3 years and watch me graduate. Other than my parents, of course. But i was wrong. It feels like i'm always wrong, and i'm starting to wonder if i'll ever be right. So anyway, back to my point, i guess i felt how i felt because i saw how sweet it was when girlfriends come and support their boyfriends or vice versa. I think it's really nice, no? And because it's a happy occasion, so you'd want your someone special to be by your side. Right? But it's okay, Diploma i'm #foreveralone but there's always a Degree! Hahahahaha. Just kidding. Love will come when the time is right laaaa. Just wait for it :) It'll be worth it. (puppy eyes)

It's the 22nd now, which means exactly 1 more week before i leave. For the millionth time that i'm gonna say this... i'm filled with mixed feelings. And i don't think these feelings will ever go away until i set foot in Korea. I guess. I wonder if bearing my heart out would work, but i'm terrified. Argghhhhh my mind's a complete mess. My heart and my mind are totally out of sync. I feel like a complete wreck. Emotional wreck. I keep thinking and wondering, and i try to figure it out but i always end up with more questions in my head. Will the answers ever come to me? Are they gonna be the answers that i'm looking for? Or is it better not knowing? You see... I end up with more questions, don't i. Man, this sucks.

But whatever it is, once again... I'll follow my heart. Even if it means falling into a bottomless pit, then so be it. I'll fall. Willingly. I just hope that if i hit rock bottom, please let it hurt less. Cuz my heart barely mended itself.

xoxo, W
You make me smile.
For no reason at all.
It's scary.

Breathe

This suffocating feeling got extremely intense as of late. Whatever is going on in my heart seriously needs to calm down. But then again, we all know that such things are unfathomable and it brings you on rollercoaster rides. Enjoy it while it lasts, i guess? ;) It doesn't come around very often! Hahaha. 

By the time this post gets published, it's gonna be 16th May. Which means another 13 days before i leave for Korea for 22 days. Honestly... I'm overwhelmed with emotions and i don't know what's going on with me. It feels like i've lost myself, and that i can't keep up with time. And now Ukiss is gonna be in KL on 26th May and my sis wants to go so we're gonna leave on the 25th, up until the 27th. But i don't know if i wanna go. I'm giving up a chance to see Ukiss. I must be crazy. In the past i would've pounced on every chance and died of excitement if i'm gonna see them but now i'm ditching it. 

Truth is, i've found what makes me happy. And it's not just Ukiss anymore. I guess i'm in a phase where i'm stepping out of fandom and moving back to reality. I have so much i would love to just rant here but i can't. And that's when all this suffocating starts all over again. Bummer. 

More often than not, i feel like i'm so undeserving of this. 

Whatever it is, or whatever it may be, i'm gonna keep following my heart. Unless if for some drastic reasons that i have to let it die, then it's a different story altogether. But for now, heart over mind. 

xoxo, W

Getting by

Okay let's see.. Today went by with me feeling like a total bum, rolling around at home. But it's good cuz i don't have to worry about what to wear or how my hair is gonna look like. I love lazy days ;)

It wasn't just my icecream that was melting under this crazily hot sun. I would melt too, sooner or later. 

Walk with me would you? 

Cookies that Manda baked ;)

Oh! It's 9th May already and my lil princess turns 16. The best sister anyone can ask for. And i'm thankful for her ;) I look at her and i tell myself that i gotta keep doing the right things so that she can learn from me. And i hope that at the very least, i'm doing a fairly decent job now. Hahahaha.

Alrighty! Gotta work tmrw, time to crash soon! Goodnight y'all, xx.

xoxo, W

Ack, blogger changed it's layout and now it's weird.

Anyway! I'm gonna try and revive this page but i doubt it'll happen that easily cuz each time i'm here, i either rant or i pour my heart out. None of which is worth reading, hahaha.

So... This week my parents decided to throw me the hell card and i felt that same horrid feeling all over again. I thought life was just starting to perk up, that i could finally do whatever i wanted now that i'm done with school. But no, i was wrong. I'm still that kid in my parents' eyes and i'll always be. So no late nights, no havoc. Not that i'm a havoc person to begin with, but sometimes all i wanna do is hang out with people who mean the world to me and just live life. On top of all, i just wanna be happy. Seems like a tough feat now.

Apart from my parents and their unreasonable rules and rambles, i'm loving my life. It's a drastic change from 3 years ago, and my heart's in a better place, cuz what i'm feeling now, feels nice, and comfortable and... right. It feels right. I'm finally breaking the walls i've built around my heart. I'm letting him in. Yes i'm scared, terrified actually, but i'm gonna try. Cuz life will keep throwing shit at you but honestly, it's make or break. And i wanna make it. I've been broken, shredded into bits and pieces, ripped apart on the inside, but i still walked out fine in the end. I spent 2 years thinking that i'll never make it but thankgod i did. And it's true when they say time heals all wounds. There will be scars, but eventually we'll find that one special person who will make everything worth the while.

I don't know if this is mine, but i hope it is. I'll leave it to time.

xoxo, W

Hearts on fire

I'm unsure. I wonder what's gonna happen if i take another step.

I guess only time will tell :)

xoxo, W

I will come back to blogging soon.. I hope.

xoxo, W

I'm alive

My heart finally feels alive again after 2 years. Cuz i'm breaking the walls i've built in the past :) I'm ready to love again. I miss having someone by my side, through the ups and the downs. Someone i can be dorky with in our own world. I don't need flowers and expensive dinner-dates to be happy. I just need someone who will be there for me, even if it means eating bread and kaya for a month. I'm serious.

I used to think that i've found him, that we can go against all odds together. I thought he'd be there for me even if everyone turns their backs on me. But i was wrong. He left too. Not trying to sound crazy here but it really felt like my whole world just came crashing down on me and i had to pick up the pieces all by myself. Which i did..

THAT ASIDE... hahaha, i'm fine now. I know it took me a long time to be fine but i'm fine now. That's all that matters right?! :)

The right one will come along and make everything better. I'll wait for you, whoever you may be.

xoxo, W

I gotta let this die

I know how hard you've tried

Tryin' to keep this alive.

But you can't do it anymore

You gotta let it go

So i think it's time

To let this die

-Brian Joo's "Let This Die"

I'll survive. I've been through worst and i got out fine. I can do this.

Nights like these, i just wanna curl up in bed till i eventually fall asleep. Thoughts will run wild, tears will fall, but i'll wake up in the morning feeling stronger than the night before. I've grown a lot over this past 2 years.

I hope and i hope and i hope... That one day everything will work out fine. Give me something to fight for, and to hold onto. Anything. If not, then i gotta let this die.

xoxo, W

History

This is killing me. I won't let history repeat itself and i won't let myself end up in that state again. Ever. It was crazy, i went head in and i ended up broken. I became someone i never wanted to be. This time i'm gonna play it smart. As much as it kills me, i cannot show. Because unless it's reciprocated, it's pointless. And right now i don't know what's going on.

Someone like you would never fall for someone like me. So no, i mustn't get into this.

This time round, i'll leave it to time. Cuz only time will tell...

xoxo, W

you broke me.

and now i'm afraid he will too.

Heartstrings

No i can't fall for you, and i won't fall for you.

It's a new year and when i said i was looking for something new, this came. I never saw it coming and i never knew it'll turn out to be like this. I don't like this helpless free-falling feeling. I can't control my emotions and it's not helping.

I don't wanna feel weak again. I don't wanna be struggling with my own emotions and end up being sad, depressed, dark and twisted all over again. I'm past that stage and i don't intend to go back into it. I wanna be happy, whatever it may be.

-Right now as i'm typing this, i'm waiting for the company to upload Ukiss's new MV. My mind is in a whirl right now and whatever i might be typing after this, might not make sense-

So anw, i need to be stronger than this. I can't give in. Not yet. Until i know it's something solid, i must not fall into this.

With that said, i had a great time with my girls today :) Valentine's day dinner as usual ^^

xoxo, W

Beezeeeee bee

I'm back from my busiest week (i hope) and i have pictures ;) I like posting pictures cuz then i wouldn't have to type so much. Yupppp.

This was from Lesley's 21st party yesterday ^^ She's not in the picture cuz she's busy mingling with the guests so.. we self-entertain. Hahaha!

Oh! And i did my nails for CNY this year cuz Manda wanted to do hers so she asked me along, and well i added ribbons :)

Yep, that's all the pictures i have for now.

Tomorrow marks the day of a new start for me! I'll be starting work at H&M and i'm stoked. It'll be fun, i hope! Goodnight <3

xoxo, W

Happy birthday, my favourite boy ♡

Just because we can't be together, doesn't mean i won't love you.

-Blair.

I could love you forever, if you'd let me. This could be for anyone... No specific person in mind right now. Although if we look at it from a very delusional point of view, then kiseop would be perfect. Just kidding luh...

I don't know if i wanna fall in love again. I mean, i do, but idk if i want it now. Or in the near future. I might want one, but i don't wanna stop liking/loving Kisp. To many, he is just an idol, or some guy who doesn't know i exist. True that, i agree with them, very strongly in fact. But to me he's not just an idol. I don't know how to put it into words but, i guess you could say that i've learned a lot from him and his existence is a gift from heaven. No kidding. If he lost his life back then, things wouldn't be the same at all.

Right, i'm digressing again. Back to the point, to me, kisp is more than just an idol. I really do love him, as a person. Not totally as a boyfriend kind of love, but as a person, a friend? Ah well you get what i mean.

And i really wanna find someone like kisp. I hope he exists, somewhere.

Someone that can make me as happy as kisp does, even though he doesn't know me and even though we're not together physically. Or even mentally, for this case -.- C'mon, he has thousands of fans out there as well, and i'm sure they all feel the same way i do.

It's like magic, how 1 heart can be beating for thousands of hearts.

Lee Kiseop, before the clock strikes 12, happy birthday once again <3 내 사랑하는 이기섭오빠 생일축하해용 ^^ 전 영원히 너옆에있어... 이렇게 응원할거에요 ^^ 항상건강하고 행복하세요. 우리 키스미와 유키스멤버들 함께해용~ 끝까지. 유키스만 아무것도 필요없어 ♡♡♡

사랑하자.

xoxo, W

2012

So.. I'm late but better than not posting at all!

HAPPY NEW YEAR Y'ALL! <3

Now that we're done with 2011, i'm actually kinda glad because it wasn't very nice... except that i've met awesome friends and done some awesome things (in my opinion, that is) and well i guess that pretty much sums everything up. It was fine. A fine year. Nothing special nothing fancy. Simple :)

SO..!! 2012, i welcome you with open arms. Please give me something much more awesome to love you for. Aye? ^^ I have big plans for 2012. It's my graduation year and i'm gonna live the life i've always wanted to live :) I can't wait, i really can't!

Just got an awesome news that ukiss will be having their comeback in April, well well well.. my life just got better! Things are looking good so far.. i hope it remains this good. /fingers crossed/

Anywayyyyy, got an interview tmrw and i kinda hope it i get the job. Getting the job means more struggling with time and readjusting my schedules... but i'll do it. For the sake of my lifestyle, i will.

Wokayz, time to do some updates on the boys before i hit the sack. 1st day of school tmrw, let's go! :)

xoxo, W