On tiptoes

I guess this is the only place i can pour my feelings out without getting judged and without others seeing me as a sad, emotional, upset teenager. But i feel like i am, sometimes. I'm just trying to find myself and in the midst of all these, i get lost. So lost that i forget who am i, and what i'm looking for. If i'm trying to find myself then why is it that each time i try, i get further away from my destination? I lose myself a bit more with each passing day. And i wonder why.

Then i look back at the life i've lived, and i start to think about what i have accomplished and what i have done. And this is when reality slaps me hard in the face. Nothing. I've been nothing special my entire life and i prolly will never be. But all these while i've been thinking that i've done a fairly good job at making my parents proud of me. Not in a "oh my daughter's a genius with all A1s" kind of proud, but at least i know i've not disappointed them in any major way. But why is it that now, 20 years into my life, i feel like i've done nothing worthy? Like i've just walked the path that was pathed out infront of me. And now my parents just want to make things a whole lot more difficult for me by coming up with redundant rules for me to follow. MORE RULES. What's new? 


But y'know what's crazy? That i'll still love my parents even after all these shit they throw at me. And that i can never muster enough guts to go against them. So.Very.Weak.I.Am. I have invisible chains on me, and i can feel it. 


Last night i felt like a sad piece of flesh. But i didn't wanna bother anyone cuz it feels like this is my battle to fight. And i know that no one wants to hear about how annoying my parents are because everyone has their problems too.

But it's okay, i'll live. As always.

xoxo, W
Thankful for the girls who were always there no matter how messed up i am.
You know who you are <3