Best thing that happened ♥
Love them all to bits and pieces.
And because nothing lasts forever, we have to embrace the moments as they come. They're my happy pills, and the reason why i always look forward to work.
I'm a sucker for sweet actions. Somehow a part of me just feels like i'm undeserving of people being nice to me so when someone does something sweet for me, i get reaaaaallllyyyy touched. Even the littlest things they do. And that's when i'm always thankful for having wonderful people in my life :)
Tonight was one of those nights. Fir treated me to dinner cuz i got my driving licence :) I know it sounds like nothing but hey, it's nice that he wants to celebrate for me! First time at Strictly pancakes and it was great. The food's awesome but the portion is too huge for me, hahaha!
So... I know i've tried. And that's good enough for me.
Nowadays it feels like all the songs i come across are all somehow apt for me. I think it's a sign, hahaha. Here's one.
Knockin'
Right now it feels like i'm knocking on a door with no answer and i'm still waiting. It got me thinking. How long can i keep up with this? Even if i can hold on, how long do i have to hold? I know, i think a lot. More than i should, but i can't help it. If i don't have answers, i'll keep coming up with more questions in my head and i'll link from one question to another. It's crazily exhausting.
But it's scary how a person can wake up one morning and just decide to drop everything behind. Are hearts really that fickle? Or are we just afraid? It's normal to think about what's gonna happen and all the 'what ifs' that comes together with all the thoughts. But think about it. All this time we're wasting trying to think of the "what ifs" and dwell too much into the future... We're just letting the present slip away. All the things that we were too busy thinking about, could have actually happened. All the 'what ifs' could have been our 'what we have now'. But no, we choose to think, and imagine, and think somemore.
If only we could be fearless. If we had the courage to express our feelings, live in the moment, follow our hearts and make decisions. We could've turned our thoughts into reallity. We could've been happy. And even if it fails, well at least we were once happy. I know it's always easier said than done, but honestly, we only live once. And i believe that as long as you're following your heart, chances are, you'll always be happy. Cuz it's what you really want.
Heart over mind.
I'm really trying... But everyone has limits and with time, if we find ourselves waiting for something that is not gonna come back.. eventually we'll leave. It's the only way out. We wouldn't wait for ships at the airport do we? Same logic applies. We can only keep waiting if we know what we're waiting for.
I'm just afraid that one day i might just walk away. Cuz honestly right now i don't know what i'm waiting for, and as much as i want to keep waiting, i can't. Unless i know.
So i realized this space is for me to empty all my emotions just so i can to bed feeling a little better. I guess it's still useful afterall, hahaa :)
Tmrw's my TP test & i'm freaking out. What if i make too many mistakes & i fail? What if i disappoint my parents? And honestly i'm too distracted by my own emotions that i can barely focus on anything. I hate that i'm weak.
Y'know... I've always thought that sincerity & patience could move someone. I believed that if you waited long enough, they would sense it. And that it could break the walls that they have built around their heart.
Maybe i can't. I'm not strong enough for this. I can't keep fighting if there's nothing left to fight for. And i can't keep chasing if someone doesn't care & doesn't want me to. It takes 2 hands to clap. So i guess i have to walk away... Not because i want to. But i really don't know what else i can do to save this :(
I'm upset. I'm hurt. But i can't show it cuz i'm not supposed to be hurt. I can't lose something i never had. And i know this wasn't even mine to begin with. It's just that, i miss my friend. And i can't believe all this is happening out of the blue.
And i'm mad at myself. For giving people reasons to leave. I guess it's me. I'm not good at keeping the people i care about close to me. Cuz i'm not the type of person who expresses my feelings easily. I need to know that you feel the same before i can give you my all. And i know that once i bare my heart out to you, i won't just walk away when things get rough. Cuz in order for me to let you in, it means that you're someone close to me, someone i trust that will not break my heart. And i really hope you won't. But ohwell..
I really hope this storm blows over soon. I want my rainbow.
Wokayz, that was long. I should really crash. Please let me pass tmrw! Pretty pretty please, with a cherry on top! :)
