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The past has taught me so many lessons & left me so many scars that i've become really wary. I'm afraid that if the past repeats itself then i'm never gonna get out of the depression cycle.

It took me 3 years to walk out of the whole depressed and sad life and finally take a step into the happy world where i finally let people in. And i did, i let someone in. For that, i'm glad.

3 years ago... I gave my heart to a boy whom i thought was really gonna honor it. I thought that after puppy loves in the past, this was gonna be the one relationship that sees me through life. I gave everything i could and i tried to do whatever i can to make him happy. I put him before myself. All ever wanted was to spend time & just be with him. And i've never needed anything exquisite nor expensive. Ever.

I was happy. Thought that life was finally giving me someone worth the wait. But in a short 3 months, everything went from skyhigh to the pits of hell. It really felt like my world came crashing on me. And the worst thing? I never saw it coming. And i never got to know why he walked out on me. Up until today, i never got an explaination. All i can say was that he left. Just like that, and he took a huge part of me along with him. The faith that i used to have in love. At that point, i locked my heart away, i started building walls around it so that i could keep it safe. And it wasn't until recently that i decided to give love one more try. I'm glad i did.

But i'm still afraid. What if i gave my all & i end up in the same state that i was 3 years ago? I don't wanna assume. I wanna know what i'm doing, and what i'm stepping into. Only then can i give my 101%. Cuz i know that once i love someone, i'll let him become my world. And sometimes this scares me.

Then again, without the past, i wouldn't be where i am today. I'm in a much much much happier place now, and i'm extremely thankful.

I mean it when i say that i want my next to be my last. And i really hope it'll last. Honestly i don't know where i got all this faith from but a part of me feels that this time, it's right. Is it?

Oh and, i'm perfectly fine. I'm totally over my past & whatever the reason is, i don't need to know anymore :) I'm happy where i am now.

xoxo, W