In the name of Love

I love this song so much, i can put it on replay the whole day and not get sick of it. Can't wait for them to release the dance version :) 

Yesterday's comeback stage :')

The korean version already pricks me enough, yet i went on to shoot myself in the foot by listening to the english version. Can cry already, really. Tugging on my heartstrings. But but but but, loving the song nonetheless. 

Why is it so hard? 

xoxo, W 

Show me.

The past has taught me so many lessons & left me so many scars that i've become really wary. I'm afraid that if the past repeats itself then i'm never gonna get out of the depression cycle.

It took me 3 years to walk out of the whole depressed and sad life and finally take a step into the happy world where i finally let people in. And i did, i let someone in. For that, i'm glad.

3 years ago... I gave my heart to a boy whom i thought was really gonna honor it. I thought that after puppy loves in the past, this was gonna be the one relationship that sees me through life. I gave everything i could and i tried to do whatever i can to make him happy. I put him before myself. All ever wanted was to spend time & just be with him. And i've never needed anything exquisite nor expensive. Ever.

I was happy. Thought that life was finally giving me someone worth the wait. But in a short 3 months, everything went from skyhigh to the pits of hell. It really felt like my world came crashing on me. And the worst thing? I never saw it coming. And i never got to know why he walked out on me. Up until today, i never got an explaination. All i can say was that he left. Just like that, and he took a huge part of me along with him. The faith that i used to have in love. At that point, i locked my heart away, i started building walls around it so that i could keep it safe. And it wasn't until recently that i decided to give love one more try. I'm glad i did.

But i'm still afraid. What if i gave my all & i end up in the same state that i was 3 years ago? I don't wanna assume. I wanna know what i'm doing, and what i'm stepping into. Only then can i give my 101%. Cuz i know that once i love someone, i'll let him become my world. And sometimes this scares me.

Then again, without the past, i wouldn't be where i am today. I'm in a much much much happier place now, and i'm extremely thankful.

I mean it when i say that i want my next to be my last. And i really hope it'll last. Honestly i don't know where i got all this faith from but a part of me feels that this time, it's right. Is it?

Oh and, i'm perfectly fine. I'm totally over my past & whatever the reason is, i don't need to know anymore :) I'm happy where i am now.

xoxo, W

Like a song in my head

Recently, two songs are tugging on my heartstrings. I don't know why but it makes me think.

Songs with amazing lyrics are the best. It makes you love the song in a way that other songs can't compare :) So anyway, TP's just around the corner and i'm freaking out. I don't feel ready but i really hope i pass. Please please please. 

"And when i close my eyes, i pray we'll see it through." 

Yup, i hope everything goes well from this point on :) Give me something to fight for. 

xoxo, W 

Battle

Tearfest. I can't even begin. I can't put my feelings into words. So the only way for me to feel better is to cry. And that pretty much sums up my past few nights. 

I don't know what hurts more. Not knowing what to do and keep trying to find my way? Or to drop everything and keep walking forward? The more i wonder, the more questions i end up with. It's funny, i know. 

I came here with a lot of thoughts i wanted to pour out, but now that i'm here, i stop. Again. Whatever i'm feeling now, is so extremely excruciating that it makes it so hard to breathe. I just wanna curl up under the covers and sleep it away. I thought i was strong. But... maybe not. 

I need a hug :( 

But then again, i know i'll wake up tmrw morning feeling a little stronger than i am now, and i'll wear that same smile on my face again. It's amazing what a smile can do. It covers a world of pain and no one will ever guess. So yes, i'll keep smiling :) 

Cuz what will be, will be. 

xoxo, W

Suffocation

So, i end up here again. Whenever i feel like i'm suffocating from all the emotions in me, and that there's no other way i can let them out, i find myself returning to this space. I guess it's good, in a way. At least there's somewhere i can rant.

I have so much in me. So much to say but i can't. With all the restrictions and whatnots.. It's killing me. It feels like all these thoughts, these emotions, are tearing me up on the inside.

And whenever i wanna let it all out to someone, i stop. Cause i don't wanna end up being annoying.

I am happy. No doubt i am. With all the amazing people in my life, there's nothing else i could ever ask for. But sometimes i have annoying thoughts that make me doubt what i have. Will i eventually lose everyone i love?

I need to know where i'm heading. If i'm gonna keep fighting, i need to know what i'm fighting for. I don't wanna fight a losing battle but not know anything until it's over.

I've spent sleepless nights trying to figure everything out, but i end up right back where i started. Bummer.

Help.

xoxo, W