Graduation

I've finally graduated from NP. The day i've been looking forward to since the first day of school. I know, you're probably wondering why 1st day of school... but yup. I only really loved my friends :)

So today saw me in Graduation robe finally receiving my Diploma. It felt nice. Like i know that i've completed another stage of my life and it's time to move on to the next phase in life. And i'm scared... But i'll deal with it like how i've done so for the past few phases of my life. Hah.

In all honesty, when i first started off as a freshman in Poly, i thought i'd have someone who would be there with me throughout this 3 years and watch me graduate. Other than my parents, of course. But i was wrong. It feels like i'm always wrong, and i'm starting to wonder if i'll ever be right. So anyway, back to my point, i guess i felt how i felt because i saw how sweet it was when girlfriends come and support their boyfriends or vice versa. I think it's really nice, no? And because it's a happy occasion, so you'd want your someone special to be by your side. Right? But it's okay, Diploma i'm #foreveralone but there's always a Degree! Hahahahaha. Just kidding. Love will come when the time is right laaaa. Just wait for it :) It'll be worth it. (puppy eyes)

It's the 22nd now, which means exactly 1 more week before i leave. For the millionth time that i'm gonna say this... i'm filled with mixed feelings. And i don't think these feelings will ever go away until i set foot in Korea. I guess. I wonder if bearing my heart out would work, but i'm terrified. Argghhhhh my mind's a complete mess. My heart and my mind are totally out of sync. I feel like a complete wreck. Emotional wreck. I keep thinking and wondering, and i try to figure it out but i always end up with more questions in my head. Will the answers ever come to me? Are they gonna be the answers that i'm looking for? Or is it better not knowing? You see... I end up with more questions, don't i. Man, this sucks.

But whatever it is, once again... I'll follow my heart. Even if it means falling into a bottomless pit, then so be it. I'll fall. Willingly. I just hope that if i hit rock bottom, please let it hurt less. Cuz my heart barely mended itself.

xoxo, W
You make me smile.
For no reason at all.
It's scary.

Breathe

This suffocating feeling got extremely intense as of late. Whatever is going on in my heart seriously needs to calm down. But then again, we all know that such things are unfathomable and it brings you on rollercoaster rides. Enjoy it while it lasts, i guess? ;) It doesn't come around very often! Hahaha. 

By the time this post gets published, it's gonna be 16th May. Which means another 13 days before i leave for Korea for 22 days. Honestly... I'm overwhelmed with emotions and i don't know what's going on with me. It feels like i've lost myself, and that i can't keep up with time. And now Ukiss is gonna be in KL on 26th May and my sis wants to go so we're gonna leave on the 25th, up until the 27th. But i don't know if i wanna go. I'm giving up a chance to see Ukiss. I must be crazy. In the past i would've pounced on every chance and died of excitement if i'm gonna see them but now i'm ditching it. 

Truth is, i've found what makes me happy. And it's not just Ukiss anymore. I guess i'm in a phase where i'm stepping out of fandom and moving back to reality. I have so much i would love to just rant here but i can't. And that's when all this suffocating starts all over again. Bummer. 

More often than not, i feel like i'm so undeserving of this. 

Whatever it is, or whatever it may be, i'm gonna keep following my heart. Unless if for some drastic reasons that i have to let it die, then it's a different story altogether. But for now, heart over mind. 

xoxo, W

Getting by

Okay let's see.. Today went by with me feeling like a total bum, rolling around at home. But it's good cuz i don't have to worry about what to wear or how my hair is gonna look like. I love lazy days ;)

It wasn't just my icecream that was melting under this crazily hot sun. I would melt too, sooner or later. 

Walk with me would you? 

Cookies that Manda baked ;)

Oh! It's 9th May already and my lil princess turns 16. The best sister anyone can ask for. And i'm thankful for her ;) I look at her and i tell myself that i gotta keep doing the right things so that she can learn from me. And i hope that at the very least, i'm doing a fairly decent job now. Hahahaha.

Alrighty! Gotta work tmrw, time to crash soon! Goodnight y'all, xx.

xoxo, W

Ack, blogger changed it's layout and now it's weird.

Anyway! I'm gonna try and revive this page but i doubt it'll happen that easily cuz each time i'm here, i either rant or i pour my heart out. None of which is worth reading, hahaha.

So... This week my parents decided to throw me the hell card and i felt that same horrid feeling all over again. I thought life was just starting to perk up, that i could finally do whatever i wanted now that i'm done with school. But no, i was wrong. I'm still that kid in my parents' eyes and i'll always be. So no late nights, no havoc. Not that i'm a havoc person to begin with, but sometimes all i wanna do is hang out with people who mean the world to me and just live life. On top of all, i just wanna be happy. Seems like a tough feat now.

Apart from my parents and their unreasonable rules and rambles, i'm loving my life. It's a drastic change from 3 years ago, and my heart's in a better place, cuz what i'm feeling now, feels nice, and comfortable and... right. It feels right. I'm finally breaking the walls i've built around my heart. I'm letting him in. Yes i'm scared, terrified actually, but i'm gonna try. Cuz life will keep throwing shit at you but honestly, it's make or break. And i wanna make it. I've been broken, shredded into bits and pieces, ripped apart on the inside, but i still walked out fine in the end. I spent 2 years thinking that i'll never make it but thankgod i did. And it's true when they say time heals all wounds. There will be scars, but eventually we'll find that one special person who will make everything worth the while.

I don't know if this is mine, but i hope it is. I'll leave it to time.

xoxo, W

Hearts on fire

I'm unsure. I wonder what's gonna happen if i take another step.

I guess only time will tell :)

xoxo, W