Everything i own

Every love song that plays, i think of you. As much as i don't want to, i do. How is it so that someone who brings me so much pain, stays in my heart for so long? I don't understand. 

So everyday i tell myself that you're not the one for me cause if you were, you wouldn't do this to me. But every single day i get caught up in my own emotions that i no longer know what i should do. I'm trying my best to keep my days as packed as i can, to keep myself around people who genuinely care about me. I keep doing whatever it takes to keep you out of my head, my heart. I don't know if it's working, but i think it is. I'm no longer tormented by your actions. 

I don't bother anymore, really. I'm not even trying to fight for anything anymore. I just wanna do what makes me happy. Because as time goes by, i've seen a lot, i've realized things, and i've learned a lot. I now know that with all the things you've done to me in the past, i should've walked away. I shouldn't have stayed, hoping that someday you'll see. I shouldn't keep being the second choice. I shouldn't have done a lot of things i've done. But what can i say? 

I faced my feelings. Did you? I told you everything i felt. Did you? 

I should've listened, but i didn't. I should've walked away, but i didn't. I should've been mad at you, but i wasn't. You should've seen my heart, but you didn't. 

I miss the guy i fell for. I miss him so much that it hurts but try as hard as i might, i'll probably never find him. Now when i look at you, all i see is a shell. That guy is gone. Or hidden, i don't know. There's a lot of things about you that i no longer know. And people keep asking me "oh how is he doing now?" and all i can tell them is "i don't know". Because i honestly don't. Who are you? Where is that guy who was everything i was looking for? People change, they say. I think i see it now. 

Time. Time will bring me someone who would mend me. 

My heart is so weary. 

xoxo, W