The last time

My weekly dosage of HIMYM & 90210 makes me sad enough as it is, but when this song started playing, it felt like someone's hand was in my chest and was ripping my heart out. It hurts. 

I'm fine, i really am. Until just now when i was taking a nap and all of a sudden i went into flashback mode, and it jolted me awake. The past, like a faded memory, suddenly became so clear, so vivid. Like i could almost feel you hugging me. But no. I can't keep doing this to myself because i know, i was never the one. I watched you fall for someone else, twice, and i just stayed where i was, be there for you whenever i could. Probably hoping that someday you'd see. But then again, the joke's on me. After all the pain this whole thing has put me through, i still stuck around. Now i just feel like a fool. 

I'll be the friend i said i would be. And i'll still be here for you. But i can't treat you the same way i would in the past, cuz it hurts. So bad, you have no idea. 

But hey, they say better things will come. You know, i always thought you were my "better thing" cuz you made me feel like you are. But then i realized you made her feel like you were her "better thing" too. I guess the person i fell for last year, has disappeared. And i should start taking steps forward too. I miss you, honestly i do. But this pain, it's too much to bear. I thought if i stayed long enough you'd see how i feel, and that you might feel it too, but time has shown me that this was all just in my head. You don't. 

xoxo, W