Adaptation

Lexi : "I love you, and i'm always gonna love you. But i don't want to love you, i wanna be happy."

-Quoted from Greys Anatomy S07E22

Today it suddenly hit me that all these while, even though it doesn't hurt as much anymore, or that i'm finally used to being alone and not having you around me anymore isn't because i've stopped loving you. The fact is I still do.. but i guess i've adapted. For so long i've thought that i'm over you and that i've stopped loving you. The heartaches stopped and the tears didn't come anymore. And for that little while, i was happy.

If it was that easy to stop, i would have. But the thing is it's not. I love you and i always will, but it's not gonna hurt me anymore and it'll just be a feeling that i'll live with and i'm gonna fight like hell to be happy. Cuz i've finally understood how this thing works.

Because it's true, what they said... What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger right? This won't kill me anymore. If it's meant to work out, it would have worked itself out a long time ago. If it didn't, then what makes now so special that it's gonna happen now or even in the future? I've waited but you've only moved further. And for 2 years i've been pining for someone who's already left right from the beginning and has no intention of returning.. Yet i waited.

But it's alright... Cuz the next door that opens, is gonna be awesome.

I will miss you and it's not gonna stop but i guess that's the only way. Cuz right now I just wanna be with someone who does what he says. Someone who is always there.

It's about time for me to stop being the one who keeps waiting for someone to turn back. I've done what i could, and have waited for you but i guess i'm not the one you want to be with anymore and so... i get it. Now it's time for me to find someone who will wait for me and whom i can run to instead.

I thought i'd get through to you if i waited long enough, and 2 years isn't short. But in the end...

xoxo, W