Walking away

Walking away, as scary as it sounds, could sometimes be the only option left. To save yourself from excruciating heartaches and uncontrollable tears. I guess this is it.

Perhaps i know that deep down in my heart, that all these feelings i have for him, are still there. And i keep hoping that someday, the guy i fell for in the past, would come back. But everyone is telling me otherwise. And i guess i know it too. I just couldn't face the fact that perhaps the person i fell for, never existed. Perhaps he just acted it out. Perhaps it was a facade. A facade that i fell into, that i threw my heart into. And why did i do that? I don't know. I thought it was real. I thought he was genuine. I thought he was someone i could give my heart to. So was i wrong?

Now that things are the way they are now, i'm slowly beginning to understand why everyone has been saying what they've said. Could it really be that you were putting up an act all along? Is this the real you? Why did i have so much faith in you when the you that i know, isn't you at all?

I kept waiting for him to return, because i felt that if i believed in him, if i waited for him, he would sense it and he would come back. But i guess not everything works this way. It has been too long, too much faith, and unfortunately too much pain to bear. I cannot go on. I shouldn't. I guess the faith i had in him, is disappearing. And now, i'm accepting the fact that he's not coming back. Maybe even believing the fact that he never existed at all.

Dear you,
I had a lot of faith in you. I thought that you would revert to being the guy i fell for. I thought that if i believed in you long enough, you would feel it too. But i was wrong. I miss you, i really do. But i now know that your feelings weren't true, and that you've been playing me all along. Sure, i stood by you throughout, and i've watched you fall for someone else over and over again. Yet i stayed. The countless times that you come and go as and when you felt like it, i stayed. When you made me feel like you were coming back to me, i believed you. But the next thing i know? You were gone again, as usual. Who am i to you? Why are you doing this to me? There are so many questions that i can't get answers to. I can only feel like a complete fool. Everything i've done, or said, were futile. But still, i hope you're happy. I hope you'll finally find someone that will make you stop your games.

The past year has been one hell of a ride for me. Because i would never have imagined that after 3 years of mending my heart and keeping it away from jerks, i would actually open it up to someone who would end up breaking it. It has been crazy. So crazily painful that no amount of words would suffice in describing it.

Save me.

xoxo, W