Some time ago, i was at Dhoby with manda and this lady approached me for some modelling-ish stuff. Thought it's just another scam but i just gave my number since it's pretty harmless. (i mean, my number's already pasted all over swsg. So what's the biggy right?)
Then recently she called me. Just felt like i wanna give it a shot and try something new. My girls went down with me today for the interview & i was that close to taking it up. Till i saw the amount of money i needed for the photoshoot for the portfolio.
It's a good change, and i want that change. I mean.. I'm not the girl who people usually would take second glances at. Honestly i don't even think i look good. But the fact that i got scouted (for idk what reasons) made me feel like at the very least, there's smth i could do. And someone actually acknowledges that.
If i had the money, i'd go for it. Too bad i'm not born with a silver spoon. And too bad that i'm trying so hard to be independent. Cuz i made a silly deal with myself that i'm not gonna ask for money from dad unless i really need it.
Wow. Feels like i'm really taking the leap. Don't wanna be a kid anymore.
Cuz i realized that if i'm too dependent on others, i'm gonna die if they end up leaving me.
I know how it feels like being so clueless and feeling like the sky just collapsed on me. It sucks. And it'll keep sucking till you decide to do something to change it and learn from it. The tears, they're inevitable. It still hurts as i type this cuz i guess some things just won't heal. It'll hurt lesser but it won't thoroughly go away.. Just gotta get used to it.
I'm still a mess. But i'm really trying really hard to pick myself up and start again.
Whether or not things go the way i hope they'll go, i'll still have to accept it.
Cuz this is life. And i'm gettng too emotional. Aye.. Haha.
xoxo, W
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