Messed up.

Sitting here, i'm filled with thoughts i know i can't handle. Too many what ifs and too many idontknows. Last night i made a promise to myself, a promise that i'll wait. Little did i know that you're already a step ahead.
True or not, i really don't know.

I really can't keep exposing myself to these heartaches again and again.
It's been a long painful walk from the past till now, and i've learned a lot and gone through enough to know that the amount of pain isn't gonna be worth it if he doesn't feel a thing. But what was i supposed to do if my heart and mind worked separately?

I did try, i honestly did. In fact i doubt i've ever stopped trying since day 1 but where am i now?
I'm right where i started.

It's been really tough without him.
And i thought i pulled through.
But honestly, did i?

Everyone thinks i'm crazy and i can't agree more. For the first time, i'm feeling as though i'm a completely changed person and i no longer know how to curb my feelings.
And it stinks. Cuz there's really nothing i can do.
And even if there is, what are the chances of it working?

Anyway, kong sent me this link which really cheered me up (:



You see, this is my only distraction now.
And sometimes it doesn't even work. I hate how messed up my life is, yet there's nothing i can do to stop it from getting worse.
Just give me something, anything, anyone, to make things better.
Please.

xoxo,W