Nothing makes sense

Lying here in my bed i can't help but think. Think of all the things that has happened, and how small i feel each time. I guess i wasn't thinking straight. I really should've forced my way out. But why didn't i? I really don't know why. And very honestly, i can't stop hating myself for that. I seriously regret. Okay but it's not like i can do anything now. I'll just have to bear in mind never to let it happen again. Seriously. It'll take me forever to get this out of my head. How the hell am i supposed to do it?! I can't sleep. I feel so fucking useless. Can't even look after myself -.- can't even keep myself away from shit. Now do you know why i said "everyday's just another reason why i hate the fact i'm still alive"? Can someone finally understand it now? xoxo,W